Here is my short story..
2003-2008 (5 years) BA Manufacturing Engineering CGPA 2.45. Transcript full of all grades from A to F. Failed & repeated around 7 subjects.
2009-2010 1st Attempt MA Quran Sunnah Studies. Culture shock. Arabic proficiency is very weak. Almost no understanding in most classes. Failed 1 pre-requisite subject twice. Result: Dismissed from the university.
2011-2015 Just focus on career while polishing arabic language.
2016 Applied for MA again & rejected twice. The 3rd time with recommendation of the Head of Dept, I was accepted. Quit job. UIA here I come!
2016-2021 (5 years) Second attempt MA Quran & Sunnah Studies - Coursework & Research - CGPA 3.87.
During degree there were just so many hurdles that I myself don't understand why I refuse to finish up my assignments (to the point that I feel nothing for not submitting), why do I feel so heavy to cooperate in group tasks, why do I keep running away by being busy with all other activities other than my studies (these are just to name a few).
The same problem keeps on disturbing even when working. Problem of completing tasks on time. Extremely bad with clerical works. Careless mistakes countless of times. Being scold from time to time.
Eventually, over a long period of time, after long run of trial and error, I can be very good at certain something where people will have a hard time trying to be patient with me, while I continue to endure.
While doing my degree in Engineering, I was soo good in Computer Aided Design and Manufacturing Drawing to the point that I was offered to teach part time for 4 semesters right after graduating while waiting for my 1st attempt doing MA. The HoD even recommended to apply for Academic Trainee, but it was rejected due to the low CGPA.
The same with Arabic Language. The 1st attempt of seriously learning it was during the 2 months programme in Mecca & Madina in 2006. The 1st time I was introduced to something called nahu, i'rab, etc; which I failed to grasp what is it all about in those 2 months.
Then, 15 years gone by. Nothing was easy about arabic. Going to various courses. Joining so many classes. Learning from so many teachers. Covering various references. Attempting to converse with native speakers. Then things starts to make sense.
All I need was time, extra longer time than others. Really really long that I don't feel I belong to the group that I used to be anymore. No more people around my age. Only what I want to do that I feel that it is important to me and fulfilling.
MA was normally for 2 years. But I decided to do it really slowly. 2 or 3 prerequisite subjects for a semester. Attempting every tasks carefully. While making sure that I continue to improve by joining in other classes as a listener so I won't be burdened with extra tasks.
2018. Subjects finished. Only thesis that is left. The same problem of feeling turn off and burn out came rushing again and again while writing.
The same feeling of despair continue to haunt. Am I going to fail again? Another dismissal? Hopeless. To the point that I feel ready to repeat this again as my 3rd attempt of MA.
Pandemic struck. Things worsen. No writing at all for almost a year. Health going down. Stuck at home. Just surviving with whatever can be done. AlhamdulilLah 'ala kulli hal.
Unknowingly. Some great people with big heart(s) that thinks of nothing but just to continue to support, giving advices & reminders. Messages upon messages. Call upon call. Even being ignored so many times. They just patiently try their best to push me. Not mentioning many generous people offering financial assistances. Family members. Teachers. Friends. Juniors.
This is just a portion of what I went through.. that I wish to write more which I have no courage to share it yet until I am confirmed with what is wrong with me (even people say there's nothing wrong with me. I'll just keep that to myself).
This is also my small piece of thank you that can never be weighed the same with what all these beautiful people have done to me.
May Allah grant all of you, the finest abode in al-Firdaus.
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